by Lynn Tribbling. Sales Representative

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF REAL ESTATE

*  TRUE STORY. CAUGHT IN THE ACT
Some time ago, I was showing a luxury furnished condominium for rent to a potential client, when we discovered to our shock and amusement, a transfixed couple enjoying some horizontal enrichment in the boudoir. Ironically, I recognized one of the amorous adventurers as a realtor. We concluded that this fellow was obviously a full-service broker.

*  NAKED AS A BLUEJAY
At another showing, I knocked on the door, evidently too quietly, and entered an up-scale, 2-storey Harbourfront condo, when I glimpsed, descending the stairs like a magnificent Greek God, was a splendidly muscled, stark-naked Blue Jay . Oops !   Needless to say, I have been a baseball fan ever since.

*  MILLIONAIRE WANNABE
Early in my career, a pleasant-looking, earnest gentleman who said he was a doctor,  attended an open house I was having for an $600,000 penthouse. He excitedly announced he would like to try an offer. Later, when I called him to proceed, his Mother answered, informed me her son worked as a dishwasher, was delusional, prone to extravagant manic impulses, and was utterly penniless. Disappointing news for a realtor. I naturally referred him to a competing agent for any future real estate needs.

*  THE TROUBLE WITH YUPPIES
A vibrant young couple, both lawyers, told me they were looking for a large condo with room for 2 offices. "Ah", I said, "you must be D.I.N.K.s, Double Income No Kids. "No", he replied, " We are actually D.I.N.S. - Double Incomes, No Sex."

*  URGENTLY WANTED
Attractive, rich female realtor looking for attractive, rich gentleman with condo. Please send picture of condo.

*  IN A NUTSHELL
What do you call 30 realtors in the basement? A Whine-Cellar.


LOVE & REAL ESTATE
Deep Thoughts from Lynn Tribbling

Once upon a T-Rex time, when men lived in caves and women did not shave their legs, the roles were simple. Masculinity was defined by the 3 "P's" Real men were supposed to: "Provide, Protect and Perform." Women, on the other hand, were defined by the 3 "B's". They were supposed to: "Bake, Beautify, and Breed!" Hardly anyone on the planet, except maybe Martha Stewart, still strictly believes these stereotypes.

Times have changed. Genders are jumbled. But there is a primitive, atavistic part of the female brain that sometimes percolates to the surface, especially on Valentines Day. Half instinct, half wishful-thinking, the secret thought that still pervades the modern female's fantasy is that; "If he really loved me, he would buy me a castle, or mini-mansion, or something better than this crummy cave."

Afterall, one of the architectural marvels of the world, the Taj Mahal, was created for the builder's beloved wife, Mumtaz. Similarly, railway scion and oil baron, Flagler, gave his lovely bride Mary Lily, a 30 room marble mansion in Palm Beach as a wedding gift. (Now there's a man who knows how to treat a girl!) There was a romantic tycoon locally too. In Toronto, Sir Henry Pallett, in a splendid fit of passion, we are told, built the fairytale Casa Loma for the Mrs.

So gentlemen, forget the truffles and roses this year. Women secretly crave castles. Or you can update the fantasy, and really make a statement this Valentines. Give your sweetheart a 2800 sq. ft. luxury condo, with granite counters, nifty Euro appliances and a concierge where the moat should be. (Coincidentally, I just happen to know of some for sale! Amazing!)

Real estate is sexier than chocolate. It always has been. The truth is, property is the timeless aphrodisiac that unlocks unbridled female desire. Embellishing Ogden Nash's prescriptive aphorism to keep your love life brimming, let it be said my friends: CANDY IS DANDY, LIQUOR IS QUICKER, BUT A CONDO IS GONZO!!!!!

Note: A pre-nuptial agreement is recommended for all romantic purchasers in the event passion fades. Expert advise available free of charge. Not intended to solicit purchasers without money.

If you have any humourous anecdotes related to real estate, you can email me at ltribbling@sympatico.ca.


REALTOR-SPEAK
By Lynn Tribbling

Realtors, (myself and colleagues excluded,of course), have been accused of sometimes embroidering reality, by putting a distinct positive spin on the facts. Here are some examples of such puffery:

DESCRIPTION

TRANSLATION

"Cozy space"
"Partial water view"
"Ready to move in"
"Needs some TLC"
"Unique decor"
"Water-tight basement"
"Fixer-upper"
"Bring offers"
"Handyman's delight"
"Rich historical detail"
"Child-friendly neighbourhood"
"Dynamic location"
"Possible re-zoning"
"Pond potential"
"Hot re-development area"
"Private location"
"Designer-ready"

No room is bigger than 6" X 8"
Stand on a stool with a telescope to glimpse the lake
The front door is missing
Nuke it
Rooms are painted purple
Keeps the water in
Nuke it
Hurry, my listing is about to expire
Nuke it
7 layers of wallpaper and no garage
Drug-dealers have already been arrested
Built between a 6-lane highway and a clover leaf
After 20 year battle with the OMB
If you call in the guys who built the Aswan Dam
Drifters and squigee kids being replaced by lofts
You need a Sherpa guide to find it
Did I mention, nuke it!

Joke and Humour Sites

http://www.ahajokes.com/ http://www.dailyspark.com/
http://www.punoftheday.com/ http://www.joketips.com/
http://www.mondominishows.com  

Send me any entertaining examples you may have to add to my collection
Lynn Tribbling,
Sales Representative. e-mail: ltribbling@sympatico.ca

Cheers and keep smiling, Lynn


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